The Pole
by Gackt Camui
Summary: [UsaHiiro] Usagi is a little frustrated (if you get my drift ::wink-wink-nudge-nudge::) and takes some invaluable advice from her blonde counterpart. [Complete!]
1. A Pole

_Warnings: Usa/Hiiro, sexual innuendos, a little bit of swearing, and my poor pathetic attempt at humor. _ Beware, be very aware._

_Hello dearies! Yeah, I know, I'm so sad. -_-;; Originally, I meant this to be a oneshot, but I'm gonna post it in chapters now. It'll probably be 3 at the most...ehh, bear with me. ^^;;; Yeah, the title stinks. XD You might get it if you pay attention to this chapter. Lol. I don't know what else to say, so . on with the story._

_Disclaimer: Bah, I don't own nothing. *realizes that's a double negative and gets her ass sued*_

**The Pole**

"Honey, you need to get laid." 

The blonde woman flipped her sunflower-colored hair back casually and stirred her drink with the straw, gauging her companion's reaction. It was all she had expected and more. 

"Minako-chan!" she screeched, face blossoming to a color not unlike that of her friend's beloved red bow she always tied in her hair. "Hentai! Ecchi! You pervert!" she wailed, sapphire eyes wide as she pressed her hands to her burning face. 

Minako burst out laughing, slapping her hand on the table. The ridiculous pair drew the attention from the entire café. Silence drowned the once bustling room, but neither seemed to notice as one blonde woman guffawed loudly and the other turned a deeper and deeper shade of crimson. 

Then business went about as usual. 

"I can't believe you said that!" she cried, large incredulous eyes still fixed on Minako. 

She waved it off and took a sip of her drink, feeling Usagi's wide-eyed stare at the top of her head. She sucked on the straw slowly to draw out the silence. 

Usagi was a sweet girl, a little dense, but not more so than her boyfriend. Minako had met him only a few times because supposedly, he wasn't much a people person. That had been the understatement of the year. The only things he had said were to answer Minako's insatiable curiosity. Actually, now that she thought about it, he hadn't said anything at all. She had asked him all 'yes-or-no' questions and he had answered with 'hn.' 

And that was fine with Minako because she trusted her best friend's taste in people, even if Usagi was a little naïve. A few times, she had seen past that composed mask he liked to wear to glimpse a rippling swell of tenderness in unreadable dark eyes, directed solely to Usagi. 

Lately, she had noticed Usagi was moodier and more easily irritated than usual. She had outright snapped at Rei once during their usual bickering sessions and then sulked guiltily afterwards. PMS was probable but not likely. Thus, Minako had come to the conclusion that her non-single best friend was sexually frustrated. It happened to the best of people. 

Finally, she raised her mischievous blue eyes and winked at her all too innocent best friend. She lowered her hands to her lap and sat up straighter, smiling calmly. 

"Now, Usagi-chan, trust me—no, give me a chance to speak—alright. You love him, don't you?" 

The woman in front of her sighed dreamily in defeat. "Yes, I love him," she admitted. She grabbed a hold of her paper napkin and began shredding it apprehensively. 

"Well, if you love him, then what's the problem?" asked Minako, raising an elegant sunshine-colored eyebrow. 

"I don't know if he loves me!" she blurted out, dropping her forehead to the table with a thunk. "I mean, we've been together for two years, and he's changed a lot since the first time we met, but he just isn't as affectionate as I would like him to be." She bit her lip and rolled her head so that she lay pillowed against the inside of her elbow. 

"All the better reason to seduce him!" 

Usagi rolled her eyes. 

"Okay, okay, I'll get serious," she said, suppressing a giggle. She took a breath and schooled her face. "With all due respect, Usagi-chan, Hiiro is an asshole." 

She sighed and slumped sullenly in the plastic booth. "I know he is. And he still carries around his gun like it was stuck to his body," she huffed, nodding irately to herself. "I swear that man gets off on his gun everyday! But just sometimes when we're alone, he can be so sweet. Just those little things, like a touch, or a kiss, or when he holds me." Usagi's voice had taken a trip to lala land and she was staring into space with little hearts in her eyes. 

Minako blinked. 

"And the way he grunts, it's so sexy…" 

Minako cleared her throat a little. 

"…And his glare! It gives me the chills, the good ones, even if he did stop using it on me…" 

"Um…" 

"I bet if we did have sex, it'd be like sex in the snow," concluded Usagi, finger poised thoughtfully at her lip. She had completely forgotten she had an audience. "He's so cold, but it'd be really steamy. Hmm, I guess it would sort of make a mess if you had sex in the snow. You would melt it and then it would be all watery!" She made a face in distate. "And we might get stuck since it's so cold and all. I don't want to get stuck! It'd hurt! You remember that time Rei told me to lick the ice on that pole that last time we went skiing? But I might consider it if Hiiro was that pole..." she rambled off out loud. A little too loud. 

Minako gave a long suffering sigh and waved her perfectly manicured hand in front of Usagi's face, finally gaining her attention back. "You're SO horny, Usa-chan." 

"What! No, I'm not!" she squeaked, turning tomato red again. She suddenly giggled, eyes glazed over. 

"Please don't tell me," mumbled the yellow-haired girl who looked a little uncomfortable in her seat. As much as she loved her friend, Usagi's sexual fantasies were just a little too much. "As much as that boyfriend of yours doesn't seem to give a crap about anything, I think he really does love you." 

Usagi immediately sobered. "You think so?" she asked softly. 

"Yep. I just feel it. I see a white picket fence, two kids, and a cat." She grinned as Usagi's eyes became as large as saucers. 

"One boy, one girl? And they both have Hiiro's eyes, right? And the little girl has my hair and I'll dress her up in pretty pink dresses everyday. And I refuse to let my son wear spandex out of the house." 

Her eye twitched. "Sure…" 

Usagi clasped her hands together and sighed. "It's always been my dream! Now, how to convince him into it?" 

Minako shrugged, then grinned wickedly. "You can always threaten him. 


	2. The Voice

_Warnings__: Usa/Hiiro, my own warped timeline, less sexual innuendos (I think), and my continued pathetic attempt at humor. ;_;_

_*bounces up and down* I wasn't expecting to get Chapter 2 out so soon, but I did keep my promise to get it out by next week. It's only been two days or so! The ending kindda sucks for this chapter _ and a little OOC, but I needed him to say that. _;; Also, thankies much to the reviewers: Midnight of Shadows, Chibi-Lillith, Angelight, selenesbabygurl, LA, rouge night, themoonmaiden, and Sushi ^^ You guys made me cry. Well, maybe not *cry* but you guys brought happy tears to my eyes. *daintily dabs at the corners of her eyes* I didn't think anybody was going to like this fic. ;D Also, I take an unhealthy delight in e-mailing my reviewers back, so if you leave your e-mail, I'll send you a thank you. I'll even send you a thank you if you flame me. :D_

_Disclaimer: Leave me alone! T_T_

**The Pole**

Usagi moved through the streets like a woman possessed. Men, women, and children parted like the Red Sea as she strode to her destination with the most impressive of intentions. They watched in awe as the petite blonde marched her way into the restaurant and planted her hands firmly and formidably on the designated table. She dismissed an intrusive and bewildered waiter and lowered her eyes to meet, what they could only assume was, the gaze of her dark haired lover. 

----- 

She had practiced it in her head over and over again after she and Minako had parted. She had even experimented with different tones of voice until she had decided on something very forward and demanding. Yes, she would not back out now. 

With her palms spread on the pristine tablecloth, she entered a staring contest with her dear, dear boyfriend. This time, she would not lose! 

But as she continued to stare into his smoldering midnight eyes, she gulped. His form was relaxed but remotely aloof. Out of the corners of her eyes, she noticed that he was dressed rather nicely. Hell, it was like he was dressed for a wedding in comparison to his daily attire. His lean torso was ensconced in an immaculate white dress shirt, top button left open. The silver chain she had given him their first Christmas together winked at her from the hard columns of his neck. 

Don't get distracted, she hissed silently to herself. But he looked damn good, good enough to eat. She moistened her lips quickly and shouted in triumph when his gaze darted to her mouth. 

"Hah! I beat you!" 

Hiiro quirked a questioning eyebrow. Although frequently he had acknowledged that his girlfriend was a little…unique, she was, he had decided, irreplaceable. She always had little surprises in store for him, and though he hated surprises to the point of pointing his favorite gun at them, he had found hers endearing. The whole ordeal of feeling things, namely pleasant stirrings within his empty heart and soul, had been a bit strange, but with a bit of endurance, he had grown accustomed to her. And now, he had found that he was barely able to function without her charming antics. 

He smirked when he caught her gaze roaming over his body. He had decided to dress up for once. The restaurant was a tasteful one and he didn't want to embarrass her. Two years ago, he would have scorned the idea. 

"Are you going to sit?" 

The unruffled drawl of his velvet voice drew her out of her lustful stupor. She felt her cheeks burn a little and swiftly shook her head. "Oh, no you don't, Hiiro Yui. I'm not backing out of this one!" she resolutely declared. 

They had earned a few coarse stares, but luckily they were in a booth in the back of the restaurant. 

"Are you feeling alright, Usa?" he queried warily. Did he mention that she was sometimes very unpredictable? 

A sweet, almost sick smile spread across her face. "I'm perfectly fine, Hii-chan." She took a deep breath which gave him enough time to brace himself. "Do you want to break up with me?" 

His eyes widened in the barest displays of shock. He searched his war-trained mind for plausible reasons that could have brought on her unexpected question. He came away with empty answers. Of course he didn't want to break up with her. Was she insane? 

"No." 

His gaze darkened suddenly like a dark rain cloud invading a spring sky. Perhaps, as ridiculous as it sounded, she wanted to break up with him. The very idea made him both angry and desolate. Had she found someone else, someone better than him? He unconsciously glowered at her as he reached for his water glass. 

"Good. You're going to have sex with me." 

He set the glass down with a clunk, liquid sloshing onto the tablecloth. He snatched up his napkin and pressed it to his mouth as he choked, eyes wide with astonishment. She was by his side in a second, patting his back gently and brushing his unruly bangs out of his eyes. He must have heard wrong, as absurd as that sounded since he was in top shape, but there was no other possible explanation. 

"Hii-chan, are you okay?" She gently took the napkin from his hands and dabbed at his mouth. 

"Fine," he managed in a strangled breath. 

"So you're going to sleep with me, right?" 

"I…I…" he stuttered. He actually stuttered. For one pathetic moment, he wished had an ounce of Duo's sense of wit. Fearless Pilot 01 of Gundam Wing Zero had been reduced to dithering stutters. What had the world come to? A loud sniffle brought him out of his self-pity. 

"I see. You don't want to sleep with me," announced Usagi, withdrawing from him and tucking her hands into her lap. She managed to look very dejected, quivering lips and all. 

"I never said that," Hiiro almost snapped, half-growling. His ears burned as he realized the connotation, but the restaurant was dim, so it was unlikely she would notice. He softened when she turned to peer at him innocently. He knew that look, but it worked every time. He hung his head in defeat. "I thought you were waiting for marriage." 

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, I was…" she trailed off, frowning in displeasure. "Oh no, I didn't think about this!" Panic-stricken, Usagi grabbed his shoulder and shook him none too gently. He wiggled like jell-o under her merciless hands, but she abruptly let him go and set her lips in a determined line. "Oh, no you don't! You're not distracting me this time, Hii-chan. If you don't want to break up, we're going to have sex. Tonight!" She pounded her fist on the table for emphasis.

"Hungry?" 

"Starved! What'd you order for me?" 

And just like that, all her thoughts scattered. Hiiro narrowly resisted a smirk and let his gaze wander to their approaching server. Food was her weakness and he always used it to his advantage. 

"Your favorite," he replied, again in full control of the situation. Or as much as he liked to be. Usagi was salivating next to him, fork brandished as the server set down their meals. 

"Ohh, Hii-chan, you're the best!" she chirped delightfully, flashing him a sweet smile. He nodded absently as he watched her ravage her pasta like a starving wolf. She even moaned a few times, closing her eyes in pure rapture. 

The receding heat in his ears came back full throttle. He grabbed his ice water and gulped it down sloppily. 

A devious little grin worked its way over her Alfredo sauce-covered lips. So she had to make a few adjustments to her plan, but it was working out. Usagi's uncharacteristically flustered companion looked determined in avoiding her gaze. Well then, she'd just have to take care of that, wouldn't she? 

She swooped her fork down, stabbed at a few shells and held it in front of Hiiro's face, a tooth-decaying smile on her lips. He didn't seem to notice. 

Usagi placed her free hand on his thigh. His upper thigh to be more exact. His entire body tensed under her hand. 

"Hii-chan, why don't you try some?" she cooed softly. Usagi subtly smoothed her small hand towards his inner thigh. With sweet satisfaction, she felt the muscles under his slacks quiver. 

Hiiro was starting to sweat bullets. He gulped, stared at the sauce and pasta-laden fork, tore his eyes away for a moment to stare at Usagi to briefly see that a psychotic blonde nymphomaniac had taken over his girlfriend's body, opened his mouth, and swallowed all at the same time. 

Unfortunately, he forgot to chew. 

The pasta clumped in his esophagus and he gagged involuntarily. A burning awareness crawled up from his sinuses to his eyes. His vision clouded as painful tears slipped down his cheeks. He had never choked on food his entire life; it hurt so much he thought he was going to die. Through watery eyes, he saw his unfulfilled existence explode into a supernova. 

Hiiro was vaguely aware of Usagi's voice calling to him. His hands clenched the edge of the table until his knuckles bled white. There was a distant speck of pale light in his peripheral vision that was steadily becoming larger and larger. Soon, that light eclipsed every other sensation, including his tender gagging. He gratefully swallowed a few mouthfuls of air. A booming voice thundered through his head and plugged out all other sounds. 

"Hiiro Yui," The Voice said. 

"Hn." 

"Hiiro Yui," The Voice said again, louder. 

Hiiro scowled and grunted with more enthusiasm. "Hn." 

"HIIRO YUI." 

"HN." 

"Dammit, Hiiro, you haven't changed one bit!" 

He jumped at the familiarity of The Voice. Was he really dead? Was it God? He frowned. He didn't know that God swore. 

A foggy figure materialized in the white void that he currently resided in. Echoing clicks abbreviated the silence until the vapor sank back to where it had come from. In its place was a slender body adorned in a tasteful ivory pantsuit. Impish blue eyes and waist-length blonde hair were a brazen contrast to the starkness of the sterile abyss.

"Hiiro-kun! Are you surprised?" 

Yeah, he was surprised. He was so surprised, he was about to go into seizures. He stared, too horrified to be horrified. "No. Please, God, no." 


	3. Close Encounters with the Scandalous Sup...

_Warnings: Warped and twisted timeline because somebody warped and twisted (me) touched it, some vagueness (I left it alone 'cause I didn't know how to fix it o.o Use your imagination, folks!), OOCness, nudity, and lots of rampant perversion because somebody perverted wrote this story (also me). _

_LOOONG AN at the end (if anybody feels like staying around that long), 'cause I know you all wanna get to the final chapter first. :P _

_And remember: WARPED TWISTED TIMELINE. O_O_

**The Pole**

Ririna Peacecraft waved a well-manicured hand dismissively. "Hiiro-kun, you don't need to call me that. We're friends, aren't we?" she queried, face splitting into a chesire cat smile. She was rather proud of her lo-and-behold entrance. She had been going for stunning and stylish and all in all, overwhelming. Obviously, it had worked, but when he didn't answer, her grin peeled a little around the edges and she tossed him an impatient look. Didn't he know that God was a very busy woman? Gracefully, she cleared her throat. 

Hiiro continued to gape stonily, face paralyzed into an expression of abject horror. 

"We're friends, aren't we, Hiiro-kun?" she pressed between a clenched smile, eager to lift him out of his state of unconsciousness. She peered closer, almost sure that his face had twitched. She waved her hand in front of his face, snapped her fingers twice, then leaned back on her heels and touched her chin in a thoughtful gesture. 

If it was possible, he was ten times hunkier than he had been the last time she had seen him—face to face at least. She had even grown out her hair because he seemed to have developed a taste for long-haired women, much to her deep chagrin. She would have been _crazy_ if she didn't keep tabs on him while she was supervising her holy business up in Heaven. She was Queen of the World and God; the entire world's fate was at her pacifist hands. 

She crossed her arms over her chest. He had finally hit puberty and grown tall enough to tower over her. Ririna sighed, cornflower blue eyes dropping to his chest. He had never dressed up around her. Sourly, she cursed Destiny for giving her man to that wench. Maybe she could get back at her by taking advantage of his virtually comatose condition. She was God, afterall. 

She reached out her hands, fingers twitching in anticipation, body flushing with the less than virtuous thoughts budding in her head. Her eyes darted back and forth from his motionless face to the shiny silver buckle on his belt. Just a little bit more. . . 

Hiiro's spidey senses started to niggle in the back of his mind, jolting him out of his debilitating trance. Something dangerous and evil was steadily advancing his way. He blinked rapidly and convulsed the only way a normal human would to find Ririna in the most inappropriate position. Her offending hands were about a centimeter and a half away from his crotch. He could practically feel his privates shrinking from her close proximity. 

Ririna snorted with uneasy laughter and slowly retracted her badly behaved fingers. She primly folded her hands in front of her, struggling to gain back her dignity. She straightened, fighting down the steady burn in her face. She coughed. 

"There was a bug on you. I was just getting rid of it," she stated confidently. When his glare did not falter, she sighed loudly. "I'm not a girl anymore, Hiiro. I may be God, but I have _needs_, too." 

He shuddered involuntarily, wishing for his gun. The one time he decided not to bring it was the time he needed it the most. To think, he had almost been stripped of his. . . chastity. . .by some promiscuous deity. He prayed that this was some twisted nightmare and that when he woke up, he would be with Usagi and still find his honor attached. 

But prayers went to God and God was Ririna. He almost wept at the thought. 

A sense of misery flooded him. Did this mean that he was dead now? How utterly embarrassing. He could see the headlines now -- "Seducing Gone Wrong: Girlfriend Accidentally Kills Gundam Pilot in a Freak Accident." 

He slumped gloomily. He would never again see Usagi's bright eyes or her mischievous smile. He would never again touch her silken hair or kiss her cherry lips. 

And worst of all, he would never get laid. That put a real damper on his already disagreeable mood. She had been perfectly willing, too. 

"Am I dead?" he muttered tersely. He felt dirty under her obscene leer. 

"No," Ririna said at last with a begrudging sigh. 

"Hn," he grunted, perversely pleased that he was able to keep his voice to a low disinterested bass. 

She frowned, shaking her index finger in his face. "Will you never stop doing that?" 

He smirked arrogantly. "Usa likes it." 

Ririna rolled her grey-blue eyes in abhorrence. "Destiny just had to get in the way. What's so great about her anyways?" 

Oh, many things, but Hiiro had since decided that it would be wise to not say anything that could provoke The Almighty. 

"She makes me feel things," he responded with a nonchalant shrug. She made him feel bizarre things, things not unlike what Duo had described to him accompanied with pictures from his _mature_ magazine collection. 

"Funny, she makes me feel things, too. Namely, homicidal things," she snapped, incensed. She suddenly gasped, apologetically raising a hand to her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Hiiro-kun, I didn't mean that. Usagi-san is a very nice girl." She tried to smile pleasantly at him. 

The sickeningly sweet smile was just what it looked like. His stomach heaved and he almost gagged with the exertion. Hiiro shut his eyes tightly and willed up the image of Usagi. Usagi, his wanton little vixen who still somehow managed to be naïve and bewitching at the same time. 

"What did you have to say?" he grumbled when he realized that this was not a figment of his imagination. 

"You're probably wondering why I'm here like this, right?" 

"No." 

"Yes, of course you are. It all started when I was a little girl. Well, actually, it started when the universe was nothing and then I had to make the planets. After that, I made people because it was that time of the month and I was depressed and lonely. . ." 

Hiiro wilted as she continued to drone on. By the time she was going to be finished, he would be too old and feeble to do anything gratifying with Usagi. That put him back into his foul mood. "Will you get to your point?" 

Ririna pursed her lips in annoyance. "Fine. I just wanted to let you know that everyone fitted into a bigger plan. I admit that the bloodshed was. . ." she trailed off with regret. "No one should have had to die." She lowered her head, allowing her honey-wheat bangs to hide her face. "I'm sorry that I'm not quite as perfect as everyone thinks I am." She paused and looked at him, eyes glazing over with wistful memories she had obviously made up. "Which brings me to what I really wanted to say. As much as I love you and you love me, we just weren't meant to be. I have to fulfill my duty in Heaven and on Earth. I know you're disappointed that we won't be able to consummate our undying love," she explained with a remorseful sigh, "but this is just the way things have to be." 

Hiiro wasn't sure if he was supposed to laugh or not, so he just glared. Well, more like stared because he was too bewildered to glare effectively. The bloodbath he had participated in had slowly ceased to bother him after he had met Usagi. She had taught him forgiveness. She had made him realize that he could not forgive anyone until he forgave himself first. The past may have been dark, she had said, but they could always look towards a brighter future. 

He smiled faintly at the memory, but scowled at Ririna. She had sounded most serious at the end of her speech. Was she some kind of dolt? He would take great pleasure in consummating his "undying love" for her in his own way, but seeing how she was an immortal divinity, a few bullets wouldn't work. 

Growling with grumpiness, he glared. Nothing she had said was of any importance, but he had learned one thing: life was short. There was much to be done when he got back, i.e. making sure his little blonde bunny didn't find some willing young man to take care of her needs. 

"Hn. Are you finished?" 

She shot him a dirty look. "Yes. You may return." 

She faded out as colors began bleeding back into the empty white space to the point where he felt as if he was trapped in a melting oil painting. Disoriented, he fought to maintain balance until he was sucked back through the ceiling of the restaurant and into his still body. 

He fell back to Earth the very same moment Usagi slammed her hand on his back with a mighty whack. He jerked forward, discharging the marble sized lump into his water glass with a plunk. Hiiro coughed once before he was crushed around the torso by his loudly despairing girlfriend. 

"I'm so sorry, Hii-chan!" she wailed into his tear-drenched shirt. He barely heard her because he had lost concentration the moment her breasts had squashed so nicely against his chest. 

"It's alright," Hiiro struggled to say while attempting to distance her with as much gentleness as he could muster, but her chest was still glued to his side. He gave up and rubbed her back. 

Usagi sniffled. "But. . .but I almost killed you!" she bawled, blowing her nose passionately into her napkin. She blinked at him through bleary eyes. All her hard-thought efforts were gone to waste. She was sure now that he didn't want to sleep with her. Who would want to do the wild monkey dance with someone who had almost killed him? Now she was going to be a moody virgin for the rest of her life. The very thought brought fresh tears to her eyes. 

"Usa, Usa-chan, it's okay. I wasn't going to die," he murmured consolingly. He soothingly smeared the cooling tears from her pale face with the pads of his thumbs. He drifted one hand down the silky skin of her neck to rest on her shoulder, liking the way she shivered under his touch. His other hand crooked her chin towards him. Her liquid sapphire eyes trembled. Hiiro let his face fall slack with sweetness. The words he had always struggled to say rolled easily and freely from his mouth. "Usa, I love you." 

Too busy wallowing in self-pity, the meaning of his heartfelt words did not quite sink in until almost a full minute later. By that time, Hiiro was looking more and more distressed. Her mouth formed a lovely 'o' of surprise; the raw, naked tenderness in his eyes made her heart swell in a such an immense joy she had never thought possible. Beaded tears slipped elatedly down her slowly flushing cheeks. Usagi took his face in her hands, loving the feel of his soft skin over the hard angles of his face. She lifted her rosebud mouth to his, relishing in a kiss unhindered by doubts or fears. 

With eyelashes fluttering in a butterfly's caress over his cheeks, she whispered in the most heart-wrenchingly sweet voice, "I love you, Hii-chan." 

The perturbed thoughts were dispelled from his head. They drew together again, mouths exploring, oblivious to some of the envious stares from patrons around them. Slowly and reluctantly, they pulled away and gazed adoringly at each other before Usagi threw her arms around his neck and herself into his lap. 

"I'm so, so happy, Hii-chan!" she blissfully cried, crushing him in a hug as she showered him with little kisses all over his face. She wriggled delightedly in his stiff lap. She just didn't know how stiff. 

"Usa. . ." 

She sighed, almost drunken with euphoria, but a disapproving frown quickly etched its way onto her face. "Hii-chan, I thought you said you weren't going to bring your gun." 

". . .I didn't." 

Usagi eyed him quizzically, lips set in a pout. "Then what's poking me?" Her hand snaked down his chest, heading for more unspeakable areas. 

Before he could grab her slippery hand, she already had his not-so-little friend squeezed almost painfully in her grasp. "Usa—" he gasped in a strangled breath, face contorting into a look between agony and. . .something else. 

Usagi squeezed the bulge again, perplexed. No, it didn't really feel like his gun, she mused. His gun was cold and was usually resting against his outer thigh. This object was rather warm and evidently not against his outer thigh. Her mouth suddenly dropped open as realization dawned on her face. She burst into ferocious giggles. "Hii-chan," she said, drawing out his name slowly and purposefully, "I didn't know you were so happy to see me." 

Hiiro gritted his teeth. He had forgotten to take into account this minor (major) detail. He was rudely reminded of a time when Duo had made a few lewd suggestions on behalf of his and Usagi's relationship. If Hiiro recalled correctly, the idiot had said 'Wine her, dine her, sixty-nine her' before Wufei had come a hair's width away from cutting off his family jewels. 

Maybe it was time to put all the principles and advice he had been fed his entire life to good use. It was time to act on his emotions, and his "emotions" were telling him to do the horizontal mambo. 

With her hand still doing less than proper things under their table, he glared down their server. "Check, please." 

----- 

Three hours, forty-seven minutes, and a sufficient number of "Oooh"s, "Yes, Hii-chan, yes!"s, and "Hn"s later, Usagi sprawled fully satiated over a dozing Hiiro. 

She sighed contentedly as she basked in the afterglow of some passionate lovemaking. Life was good. Every single sanity-threatening problem had vanished under Hiiro's talented ministrations. From his hands to his lips to his tongue and to his more unbelievable appendages, he had made sure to touch, kiss, lick, and thrust them all away. 

Usagi bit her lip in an attempt to contain her giggles and lifted the sheet away from Hiiro's lower body. She let her gaze linger for a moment, a flush of heat caressing her cheeks as her full and still bruised lips edged into a dirty grin. 

Oh yes, he was _acceptable_. He was even more _acceptable_ than those men she had seen in that magazine Minako had shown her. 

She let the sheet slide back into place as he stirred, pasting an angelic smile on her satisfied face. "Morning, silly," she teased with a peck to his nose. He half-smiled indulgently at her before rolling her onto her back. 

"Ready for another round?" he murmured between little nips along her neck. Her supple body was pressed so invitingly against his. His hand wound around a silken cord of hair. 

"Ready when you are," Usagi voiced huskily, sooty lashes lowered in mock seduction. She rubbed her leg enticingly against his. He made an animalistic sound low in his throat. His enthusiasm was irresistible. It turned her on. 

His mouth slanted down again in brutally gentle kisses. Hiiro shifted carefully putting themselves into a more compromising position. 

"Wait, Hii-chan," she suddenly whispered, breaking away from his eager lips. She smiled, tracing her fingers delicately along the sharp line of his jaw. His dark eyes were both frigid and heated at the same time. She shivered. "Will you. . .will you grunt for me?" 

He paused his hands along her hips before he smirked knowingly. "Hn." 

Usagi shut her eyes and moaned. "Again, Hii-chan?" 

"Hn." 

Her breathing slowed to shallow exhales as she dug her nails into the hard muscles in his broad shoulders. "Again." 

"Hn." 

She bit her lip, arching. "Oh, God, Hii-chan. . .! One more time!" 

"Hn." 

"Hii-chan! Harder!" 

He complied with an aggressive "hn." 

"Ohhh, Hii-chan, that feels so good. Harder, please, harder. . ." 

"HN—Usa, I'm not doing anything." 

"Yes! Oh, God, yes, Hii-chan!"

And I'll leave it up to your imagination. 

_AN time! Wuhoo!!_

_Sushi: My first reviewer! *giggles with perverse delight* Thanks for staying for the fic! And yes, RELENA IS GOD. FEAR HER._

_themoonmaiden: I love yoouuu! You reviewed all my fics xD! *bounces around* When I saw your review for Plotless, I was like, wow. O_O and XD from the steaming of your monitor. As for Fear Me, our favorite blonde isn't promiscuous. . . ^^;;; It will be revealed slowly in later chapters. Heh heh heh ^^;; As for this, Usagi putting her special moves on Hiiro. . .I don't think Hiiro really minds, though. ;D Yes, what to do, what to do? Or who to do? ^_~_

_rouge night: @.@ That's just the way I perceive Usagi, you know? Innocently perverted. :D I always have fun writing about her. . .unless I'm in that dark angsty mood. ^^;; I hope this chapter answers all your questions about Hiiro's sexual tension. Bwahahahaha o.o;;_

_LA: I've heard her say that a million times in my head. ;D lmao, Usagi is so adorable. I wish I was like her. ;_;_

_selenesbabygurl: You're so sweet @_@;; Somebody actually loving my fic. ;-; *eyes overflow with happy tears*_

_Angelight: *head swells from inflation of ego* I'm so unworthy. . . *fails to stop grinning like a madwoman*_

_Chibi-Lilith: Teehee! You didn't have to worry. As you can see, Hiiro had fun, too. I think he enjoyed himself. Don't you? ^.~_

_Midnight of Shadows: *embarrassed* hehe ^^;;; It makes me feel better knowing that you laughed. !_! I was starting to doubt the humor in it after I went over the whole story again. ^^()_

_hay: *BIG FAT GRIN* Sorry, I couldn't resist! You totally inspired the idea! It just makes it so much funnier, don't you think? Relena/Ririna. . .God. *walks away laughing maniacally*_

_Kae: LOL, sorry again. MWAHAHAHA, I had fun writing about Ririna. *falls to the floor and twitches* I felt bad for Hiiro, too, but the idea was too good to pass up. I hope it didn't scare you too much!_

_Kasai-chan(Cece: I tried to make this chapter longer! ^__^;; I know, I have such a problem with making long chapters. . . Originally, I was going to make The Pole just a one-parter. ^^;;; *bows* Thanks for reading!_

_Kawaii Chibi Megami: O.O;; @ being called "Your Highness" No, no, no! x.x;;; That title should be reserved for fabulous authors like yourself! I want to read more "Tremble"! n.n;; You were right in your second guess as to who The Voice was supposed to be. ^^;; I wasn't sure if I should have upped the rating on this. .;; It's not a real hentai piece, lmao. I want to make one. . .one day. . . *looks off into the distance* . I wish there were H/U adult fics at adultfanfiction.net. *sighs*_

_sailorruss: *blinks tearfully* I'm honored that. . .that. . .I've brought back your love for GW/SM fanfics. I honestly don't know what to say. . . Just. . . thank you. 0.0_

_LunarPrincess: You have every reason to be confused. x.x;; I was stumped after I submitted it. I was going to put one of your guesses up, but it just wouldn't work out. x.x;; Too much stuff that would be left unexplained. Come to think of it, this last chapter is pretty vague, too. -.-;; Sorry, sorry. I'm glad you found it funny, though! *beams*_

_Angel Kisses: No pressure @.@!!! heh heh heh, I tried to take my time with this, but the longer it was sitting around, the more erk-ick-blargh-augh!! I was becoming. ^^;;_

_Liquid Ice: Bwahahahaha! I wonder what ideas were going through your head. ^^;; *nods* It wasn't Duo XD rofl, I couldn't make Duo a big part of this (but I love him just as much). Poor Hiiro. There was nothing else he could do but submit to his "emotions." . I wonder if he used protection. o.O_

_MiTZ: Hehe, a lot of people have said that it was funny ^^;; I'm actually starting to believe them now. Thank you, thank you!_

_hello kitty: Aww, thank you, heh heh! I didn't get any flames for this. . .it kind of surprised me. ^^;; I'm happy that you think it's funny!_

_Clytia: Aiyo! Thankies!! By the way, I was wondering what ever happened to High Energy! One day, it just vanished. T.T I was so sad. I hope you decide to post it up again!_

_k__razy pandi: Lol, yep, that's me, the pervert. I can't help it .;; I'm just so dirty. And this chapter is even dirtier. x__x_

_Vixen: *____* Thank you. . . *grins* I laughed at the "adulterated" pun. :D!! *sighs* I'm going to miss your fanfics when you finish them. ;___; I really, really, really am. All I can do is wait and read. . . I think I'm going to cry now._

_The pressure! *wobbles around and drops like a fly* Thankies sooo much for all the sweet reviews ;_; *bawls* But after I read them, I felt the walls closing in and I was so afraid that this last chapter was going to be a big disappointment to everyone. It disappointed me, and still does._

_*sighs wearily then rolls to the floor chortling with glee* On a brighter note, I really have to thank hay, Sushi, Kae, Kawaii Chibi Megami, and LunarPrincess for giving me the Ririna idea. Originally, The Voice was supposed to be someone else (can you guess?), but then I realized that it wouldn't do at all. _ And the reason for her impish eyes was because she was surprising Hiiro, mm-hmm, yep, that's why. *convinces herself and everyone else* So, yes, the Ririna idea just sort of went on a roll from there. I don't remember if Ririna used a suffix for Hiiro, but since I used -kun in chapter two, I just added -kun for the hell of it._

_*rubs her eyes* I've been trying to so hard to type up this last chapter, but I find that inspiration comes the swiftest when I'm not in front of my computer. I can finally go back into lurker/reader/reviewer mode. X.x;;; _

_And for anyone who is offended by my portrayal of Ririna, I'm truly sorry. I actually have no real problem with her. *hides behind Ririna cut-out* I actually admired her when she tried to shoot Lt. Une. That was really brave of her, but that could been easily mistook for a psychological disorder. I mean she actually tries to exacerbate her death when it comes to Hiiro. If GW was a real romance, Hiiro and Ririna would have gotten together in the end. . . You KNOW it's true, as much as you don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe it either. I much prefer Usagi with Hiiro ('cause they're just so perfect together! Get it? Perfect? ;D), so thank goodness for GW/SM crossovers, right? O.o_


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